Love coach

Carolin Dahlman : love coach

Carolin Dahlman is a Love Coach, guiding people to be strong, confident and happy — to attract and find love and romance.

Love coach

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Looking for love? Stop listening to your friends

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If you are single and want to find love you should probably stop listening to much of the advice you get from your friends. I know they're lovely and smart, and when talking about the latest goss over a cup of coffee it feels like they totally understand you and want the best for you. But, before you blindly take their advice, hang on a sec.

From time to time I hear people saying, "I am a love coach too; I always give advice to my friends", or, "I am a dating coach; I am great at picking up." It's a bit annoying hearing those sorts of statements, after having spent years training and learning this profession, but most of all it is alarming. Too many people never find love, just because they listen too much to their mates.

Friends blurting out their own opinions is not a way to heal a broken heart and get ready to love again, and if someone is a natural flirt and successful on the dating scene they are less likely to know why others are not and to guide them to success. Being a wise person doesn't make you suited to be a psychologist or teacher. Or a love coach.

Giving advice is not the best way to help your friends, and by being an expert yourself, you are not always able to guide others. Instead, a coach asks the right questions and facilitates your own learning process. I would never push information on a client; it's a much deeper process.

Your friends want to stay friends with you, so they will not be absolutely honest. They will probably flatter you, make you feel a million bucks and always think you are right in whatever you do. This is a good thing, it means that they truly love you and stand by your side. But when it comes to love advice it's not always positive to listen to your fan club.

A guy once came to me for coaching after being frustrated by the fact he'd been single for years, while his mates just said, "You are such a great catch." But if that was the case, where were all those girls who should want him so badly? Why was he still single if there was nothing wrong with him?

The truth is that if a person has been single, and longing for love for a while, there is probably something wrong, and that person is better off being told than kept in the dark.

But our friends will not be the whistleblowers. Why not? Well, because the truth hurts sometimes. Imagine if your best friend told you that you gave the wrong vibe or that you came across as desperate. That's not a nice thing to hear, right? You would be insulted. So no, our friends will never really tell us what we need to hear.

Mates telling you, "He's an idiot, you should be happy he broke up with you" does not help. What if he wasn't an idiot, what if you were the one stalking him, acting insecure or partying too much? It's hard to accept, but just ask yourself the question and start changing.

Compare with training with a girlfriend or a personal trainer; a bossy muscle bloke will give you a harder time but also a fitter body, right? It's worth it. You are worth it.

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