By the time couples go to marriage counselling it is often too late to save their relationship. Of course, it's always good to meet a professional who can offer a new perspective and create awareness of what went wrong and how things can improve. But most of time there's already been too many years of negative energy affecting the relationship and it's hard to go back. I wish we had a culture where people started taking love seriously from the start. A relationship needs to be nurtured.

One of the main problems that I meet in my work as a love coach is that people don't seem to talk to each other. They say, "She should have understood" or "If he loves me he would not do that." Instead of speaking up about their needs, they keep quiet and wait for things to miraculously change. But people are not mind readers; if you want something, you need to ask for it.

If you wish to fix your marriage before it is too late, you have to step up.

Tell your partner what you want. The more you worry and dwell on something in silence, the bigger it becomes. You fill your relationship with negative energies and thoughts, which is toxic for you both — and for the love between you.

Respect and listen to your partner. People are different and have different drives and needs, so don't just treat them as you want to be treated — but as they want to be treated. Some need a lot of physical contact, others need compliments. Have you asked what will make your husband or wife happy? The more you try to understand your loved one, the better you will get at making them happy — which will rub off on you.

Give lots and lots of love. Many relationships end because there is an element of greed in them. People want someone else to satisfy their needs, to give love, and they get unhappy when their partner is not making them feel good. But no-one but you can make you happy. If you instead start giving, you will be more likely to get it back automatically.

Dr John Gottam, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, has found he can predict within minutes with 91 percent accuracy if a couple will divorce or not. He simply looks at their facial expressions while they are communicating. If they roll their eyes or make similar movements, indicating lack of respect, the relationship is in deep danger. And what is the main reason people roll their eyes? They are carrying resentment without speaking up.

Start by writing a list of what you wish for, and then practise in front of the mirror how to express these needs. It can be embarrassing and uncomfortable within minutes but consider the wonderful outcome.

Carolin Dahlman is the Love Coach, guiding individuals to be magnets for love.

More from Carolin here.

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