Love coach

Carolin Dahlman : love coach

Carolin Dahlman is a Love Coach, guiding people to be strong, confident and happy — to attract and find love and romance.

Love coach

Love Coach blog

Why are we so unhappy?

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When it comes to learning how to be happy, successful and confident, it's definitely not for a lack of information holding us back from being so. For example, search and you'll find about 120,000 books if you search for "self-help" and 7200 for "self-help happiness".

So why are more and more people depressed? The help is obviously out there!

I think the reason why so many lack confidence or feel sad is that they choose to be. It may sound harsh, and to some even insulting, but it is actually very common to subconsciously choose to feel low and avoid the helping hands out there.

One reason may be that you get a lot of attention when you are sick or sad. I know that strength can be threatening to people, as they feel they should either focus elsewhere because you don't seem to need their help, or put you down in accordance to the tall-poppy syndrome. But if you are vulnerable, friends and family will feel sorry for you — and you will be in the spotlight. Just look at Facebook updates, where any update expressing sadness leads to more comments than those that express wins or happiness. Well, that's the case if you have friends who want to show they care.

Another reason for people to hold on to their lack of self-love or confidence is that they might be too lazy. If you are going to be confident and strong, you need to take lots of responsibility to stay that way. You need to keep on succeeding, smiling and walking straight, which can feel like hard work to some who are not used to it.

A lot of people are also unhappy or have low self-esteem because they have been taught to be by their parents and society, and it's become a habit. I was brought up in a lower-class family, and I know how my mum and dad saw themselves as victims, powerless and influenced by the rich and famous. They chose to think negatively instead of positively; hence they lost an opportunity to create a better life for themselves.

The reason could also be that people don't think they deserve happiness. They feel they are not good enough. Perhaps they were not loved as kids and are today seeing happiness, confidence and self-love as something that is for other people — not them.

Being low is also comfortable and safe, because from the bottom you might think you can't fall much further, while if you are on top of the world, you may start worrying about losing your position.

You can read millions of books, attend courses and read affirmations — but if you don't think it's possible to be happy, or that you are worthy of it, you will stay in an unhappy state.

I believe too many people think that happiness and self-love must come from others to be real. They wait for other people to see them, validate them and allow them to feel joy and peace. But love is our natural state. Everything is love. Confidence is within you already, you just need to tap into your natural superhero powers.

Stop blocking it out, stop sabotaging for yourself, stop telling yourself that "you can't". You can start living in love right now if you want to.

Carolin Dahlman is a Love Coach, guiding people to fall in love with themselves to attract love and healthy relationships with others. More info for one-on-one coaching or inspiring videos.

User comments
What if you have a dissability? That is something that will always put you down and lower you confidence. How do people get around that?
Dear Carolin, I really love you, your personality, your energy, everything! you are such an amazing woman and I am proud that you represent females in such a classy confident yet kind and grounded demeanor . I have watched all of your videos and read posts and they have helped immensely. Thank you for making me a better and happier person. If love is your religion, it has become mine as well. I wish you all the best and all the love in the world. From a girl that you once rescued from darkness

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