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Carolin Dahlman : love coach

Carolin Dahlman is a Love Coach, guiding people to be strong, confident and happy — to attract and find love and romance.

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Are you too bossy to find love?

12/04/2011 3:15:00 PM, Next

Ladies, are you too bossy to find love? Are you trying to control your love-life just like you control your career? Are you strong and competent, showing all your talents and pick men based on a list of selection criteria? Do you want to know exactly when the next date is going to take place?

A lot of women are single because they have a need to be in control and have lost touch with their femininity. And if reading that makes you feel angry, I think I have a point.

A while back I replied on a question in a magazine from a woman who ran her own business and was wondering where she could find a man who could handle that she is busy and ambitious. My response was, in short, that I didn't think the problem was a "man drought" or that there are "no good men out there" but that she had such a need to be in charge of her dating life that she was pushing love away.

By scheduling dates in when it suited her and wanting the men she dated to have all the traits she had defined on her vision board, she let her brain be in the driver's seat, and was driving her in the wrong direction. I encouraged her to bring out her feminine energy, let herself be soft, vulnerable and enjoy the uncertainty that comes with meeting new people, not knowing where it will lead.

After publishing this I learned that women all around Sydney's CBD got upset with me. They found my advice old-fashioned — putting women back into a traditional role. They themselves were independent and powerful and were not going to be soft just to please men!

My male friends who told me about the rage my column had awakened also told me these women were single, unhappy — and seriously intimidating.

I'm a feminist and have been debating these issues for years. I've written books, reports and hundreds of opinion pieces. I'm a strong, independent woman who has spooked men off many times, often trying to get into their hearts by showing them how intelligent I was. It took me decades to understand that being soft is not equal to being weak.

The female energy is extremely powerful, and being feminine is not the same as laying flat, obeying everything a man says and dressing from top to toe in baby pink. The true female energy is strong! By being warm, loving, caring from your deep core you can be strong enough to enjoy the movements of life and lose the need of knowing when you are going to meet the man the next time, if it is really going to work out, whether he is "the one" or not, etc.

By letting yourself flow, be mysterious and open, you are letting yourself be loved in the long term. "Control freaking" comes from fear, but openness for the unexpected comes from confidence.

What if the love of your life is not the man of your dreams? What if it's strong to be weak? What if there is more to you, more to this life?

For more information on how to improve your relationship, go to www.thelovecoach.info.

Have your say below!

User comments

I constantly read how men should accept women for who they are. Sorry ladies, it doesn't work that way. Women need to change just as men do. It's call COMPROMISE. A word which no longer seems to be in a womens vocabulary. If a relationship is to work, each may need to give up a little. What you give up is insignificant to what you get in return. A chance of moving from a superficial false happiness to happiness built on an equal foundation of mutual shared respect. Men don't want to change women, we just want a fair go, 50 50. I feel sorry for women like Carolin and some of the ladies who have made posts here. They may even be expelled from the sisterhood. Women coming to the defense of males. That's what its come to. Quite frankly we men are giving up. Women have stopped listening to us but hopefully these intelligent and just women can help bring down the walls that have risen around these women in this me me me society. Thank you ladies. COMPROMISE then all are winners

A dating site for women who are a bit on the bossier side.

There are MANY competent, available men who crave a woman who is bossy. Extra bonus points if she is kinky too. You might scare run-of-the-mill guys away, but that is EXACTLY what you want to do. A guy who is strong enough not to be intimidated, yet turns himself over like a knight to queen is exactly what makes these sort of relationships work. Knight-to-Queen types are highly represented in the engineering, law and high-powered businessmen who are in charge all day and want to turn themselves over at night, generally thought of as good catches in the 'regular' world. The have a need to submit or surrender and are VERY attentive partners and lovers. Bossy ladies, don't let other people make you feel bad for who you are. Finding love is about accepting and being accepted for who you are. For more info on female-led relationships see shemakestherules.com.

I once knew a woman and she was beautiful. She had no job, as such, but had a good car, a nice house, lovely shoes and clothes, food to eat and money to spend. I loved providing her with all these, and anything else she ever wanted, and to this day I have no regrets. She was soft and kind, - she was a woman !

Well i am a female and my ex always controlled whether we were still together or not, i think that females should have control of relationships sometimes because otherwise the men just boss us around... The worst thing is if you don't hug, kiss or hold hands when they want you to your dumped!

What you put out there is something that you want.... When it never happens because you are so extreme in being a nut case. I am a female and I truly can't be bothered going around like that and saying LOOK AT ME I AM NUMBER ONE AND MY PARTNER IS NUMBER 2. In a relationship we are all equal and both have an opinion. But if sydney females thinks that a man must do everything and you sit back and watch scream and pick on him for everything then you must be one *** sydney female.

I have been following this this article for a couple of days now and the responses are very interesting. What I have noticed is that there are plenty of women who have posted comments in disagreement with this article. However, many of the comments, if not the majority of them have a unnecessarily agressive tone. In fact, my view is that the agressive dissenters actually support this article...........................not by their actual comments, but the tone of their communication. Agressive, bossy, "I'll never change for any man", etc, etc. One of the major thrusts of this article is highlighted within these agressive comments. Ladies, often its not what you say but how you say it, which is the problem. This is the tone of communication which I have dealt with socially for 15 years and ulitmately tired of. I went overseas and met a loving, passionate, intelligent asian woman. Life is so much better with a foreign lady. As for the agressive locals, the reality is in their comments.

Strong women who know their own minds don't automatically come with the "bossy" tag - a woman should not have to manipulate or play "being female" games to "get a man"! This is the old conditioning that I learned, through a good deal of pain, to play when a budding teenager. It was "the" message to 12 or so year-olds - you don't "get a man" if you show intelligence, assertion, take over situations - that is MEN's domain! Rot! Women should not try to control men, but they can still and should be able to be themselves, and vice-versa. Why not simply relate to the other sex as PEOPLE, instead of "the other sex" - makes for great marriages and better and more honest choices and relationships!

Girlpower, you sound like a smart lady and a wonderful woman. Lucky man you have there. Enjoy the bliss!

Ummm sorry but your comments are so ludicrous I have to pick you up on it... 'Looks like the only time men are going to behave responsibility within a one on one relationship is when woman are physically able to compete with them within that capacity. I predict this will most likely be in the next 10-20 years' Ummm okaaay...so despite the genders physically being the same (and sorry gals, you ARE physically weaker. Yup...thems the breaks. But on the upside look at all the amazing things your bodies can do that ours cant...bringing life into the world for instance?) for millions of years...sometime in the next 10 years you are going to grow on average 5 inches and 20 kilos heavier and completely change the size of your muscle groups and then beat us up?!!! Now what were we saying about Women needing to control EVERYTHING? haha sorry...gotta giggle at u acting just like the story says. See you on the footy field in 2030!

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