I am 19 and have been having trouble with my coping skills lately. I have suffered from depression and have attempted suicide more than twice. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder where I use to get stuck in situations and didn't know what other way to cope.
In 2008 I was admitted into the hospital twice for overdosing on Panadol, sleeping tablets and other types of pills. I was so unhappy with the stress. I just couldn't handle it and I wanted to die. I did not want to be on this earth any longer. I had a boyfriend at the time who was the main reason for all of my stress as he cheated and lied to me numerous times. I thought he was the one. I have come a long way since then. I spoke to someone, got a new boyfriend and tried to sort out my life.
Now things that are happening are becoming familiar again and I am scared. I have recently had the Implanon contraceptive removed from my arm, as I hadn't had my period in two years, and have started on the pill eight months ago. I am currently on Norinyl, as I felt Levlen made me depressed. I would just cry for hours on end, not even sure why. My cycle became regular again but recently has started coming less and less. I am currently three weeks late and everything feels like it's becoming out of control again.
I have these little episodes that feel like panic attacks. It's like my heart rate becomes rapid and my chest tightens. I struggle to breathe and feel as though I could just faint. I feel like I have no control over it as much as I try to slow my breathing down.
Sometimes I think to myself I want to die so I didn't have to feel like this. I am currently having problems with my boyfriend because of the mood swings I am experiencing and I don't want to lose him. How can I gain control again? I don't want to lose anyone close to me again. Please help.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a very distressing condition, and it's important that anyone diagnosed with it receives good, ongoing treatment. Did you know BPD affects 2 percent to 5 percent of the population at some time in their lives, with women diagnosed three times more than men?
People affected frequently experience distressing emotional states, difficulty in relating to other people, and even self-harming behaviour. It can also involve deep feelings of insecurity and dependence, with difficulty coping with fear of abandonment and loss; continually seeking reassurance, even for small things; expressing inappropriate anger towards others whom they consider responsible for how they feel; and a fragile sense of self and one's place in the world.
But it's also important to remember that the treatments for BPD are generally effective, helping people to manage and reduce their symptoms, so that they can on with their lives. These treatments are not always easy to find however.
Apart from the previous diagnosis of BPD, you mention possible hormonal changes related to a change of contraceptive and that you have also started experiencing panic attacks. For all these reasons, I'd strongly recommend that you make an appointment to see a GP. You want to have time to explain how you feel too, so ask for a longer appointment, and make some brief notes of the key things you need to tell the doctor.
As well as checking out your physical health, the GP should be able to help with your immediate symptoms (such as feeling anxious and depressed), but also refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specialises in the treatment of BPD. In some states there are also specialist services to help people with this condition.
The treatments are based around psychological therapies. They'll help you to understand why you feel the way you do, and to better manage your emotional response to situations, so that everything does not feel like an emergency. They will also help you to tolerate uncertainty and accept that no-one can have total control over what happens in the future this prospect can be exciting and fun, rather than scary.
You are young and strong, and with proper treatment and support will be able to get on with your life without these distressing symptoms. For more information about treatments for BPD, contact the SANE helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263) or visit www.sane.org.