Boost your confidence

Say goodbye to low self-esteem forever. It's time to unleash a powerful and confident new you, says psychologist Jennifer Garth

You weren't born worrying about how you look or if people like you. Your self- image has been shaped by years of interactions and experiences with significant people in your life. If your previous experiences have been negative, it's highly likely that your self-esteem has been affected.

The good news is that you can change. The trick is to learn new behaviours and have positive experiences that will boost your confidence. So quit blaming your genes, your parents, or an ex-lover and start "acting confident". Follow these steps to more positive experiences and healthy self-esteem.

Confidence tricks

• Lose the slouch. Stand straight, shoulders back, tummy in. Good posture makes you look and feel confident.
• Have fun. Think of ways you can enjoy yourself and create more pleasure in your life. Confident people believe they deserve to be happy.
• Exercise for at least 10 minutes a day. It will clear your head and give you the confidence to face challenges.
• Only wear what you feel good in. You'll feel confident if you're happy with the way you look. Don't let fashion trends dictate your style.
• Keep a record of your achievements. If you feel you're not accomplishing anything, review your list.
• Take control of your life. Start small. Clean out your handbag or wardrobe. It will make you feel as if you're ready for bigger challenges.
• Tackle difficult situations as they arise. View problems as a challenge with a solution instead of an insurmountable obstacle.
• Get in touch with yourself. Know your likes and dislikes. Aim to maintain good relationships where you don't have to change to fit in.

Avoid comparisons
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, 'Why can't I have a body like that?' If you have, you're falling into a dangerous thinking trap — one that will undermine your self-esteem. You will feel rotten if you compare yourself with people you think are more attractive, successful or better off. When you don't measure up, you will feel inadequate and envious.

Act confident
Don't resent another's good fortune. Just because they are gifted, lucky or privileged doesn't mean you don't have gifts, talents and opportunities, too. Confident people choose their goals, hone their talents and focus on what makes them happy. The next time you're feeling inadequate because you think everyone has more than you, stop and focus on everything you do have. Think friends, family, good health or a job you love, and be grateful.

Your only as good as your achievements
There's nothing wrong with setting goals, such as losing weight or getting a better job, but it is a problem if your self-esteem is based solely on your achievements and winning the approval of others.

Act confident
"You don't have to earn your self-worth through your job, looks, wealth or achievements," says psychologist Sarah Edelman, author of Change your Thinking (ABC Books, $32.95). "Setting goals and trying to improve aspects of your life are important, but you don't have to achieve these things before you can accept yourself. Self-acceptance is not conditional."

For the full story, see the December issue of Good Health.

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