The seven deadly sins of sex

Dr Pam Spurr
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Learn how to avoid commiting the seven deadly sex sins with behaviour and relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr.

Most of us make 'mistakes' in the bedroom and thankfully these are forgivable. But there are mistakes... and then there are sex sins.

These are the things guaranteed to turn her off or upset her in the bedroom. Hopefully you'll realise by her reaction that she's upset but sometimes she might silently simmer. Neither's a good situation or the result you want if you'd like to see more of her.

Take the following seven deadly sex sins seriously.

Sex sin #1: bringing up the past
You discuss — even in a way that you think is 'tactful' — what sex was like with your ex-girlfriend. Now, it's true, there might be a teeny-tiny part of her that's curious to hear about your past sex life. But — and it's a big BUT — most of her doesn't really want to know.

She'd rather pretend that you two are like teenage virgins. Plus that you — the man she likes and wants to herself — hasn't really done anything, with any woman, before meeting her. There's no way she wants to feel she's competing with your ex in the bedroom so keep your lips sealed.

Sex sin #2: not returning the favour
You ask for, but don't give it — particularly when it comes to oral sex.

Lots of guys avoid giving oral sex because they're really not sure how to do it and don't want to make a hash of it ruining their confidence. Not a good enough excuse! If you expect her to give it then it's only good manners to give it back.

If in doubt about technique, ask her when things are hotting up exactly how she likes it done. Experiment a little and take time asking her for more feedback as you go.

Sex sin #3: repetition, repetition, repetition
You always do things the same way — because you can only climax with a particular type of stimulation.

Okay, so when it gets down to full penetrative sex lots of men have quite specific needs when it comes to the stimulation they need. But so do women. Make sure that things are working for her, too, rather than focusing on them purely doing it for you.

Sex sin #4: being too filthy for words
Know the difference between talking dirty and talking in a filthy way. Yes, definitely, loads of women appreciate a little bit of sex-chat, a bit of talking dirty. They're quite happy when things get a bit dirty, like you telling her how super-sexy and lush she feels at the peak of excitement.

There's a big difference though between some dirty talk and being downright filthy. Hit the filthy button too soon and you turn her right off. However, warm things up nice and slow and she'll be happy to join in.

Sex sin #5: letting rip
Beware of your bodily functions — it's a complete no-no and definitely not funny to burp, or worse, in bed. This holds true over time and not just in the beginning of your relationship.

Many men think it's funny when they let rip in the bedroom. Although a few women might giggle about it most want to feel that you care about them enough not to treat them like one of the lads.

Sex sin #6: sleeping on the job
Yawning and rolling over once you've had your pleasure is downright hurtful to her.

It's true that many people feel sleepy with the release of certain brain chemicals after they climax. But, come on, you've got to find the energy to give her a hug, whisper something nice to her, and then you can roll over.

Sex sin #7: going too fast
You 'finish' before her — with or without letting her know that the end is near!

Not only is this a sex sin but pretty much a capital crime when it comes to your sex life and relationship. Some men think it's okay to finish first as long as they tell her they're about to climax.

Scratch that thought. Whether you let her know or not, there's not much a woman can do about it once you've reached your peak. You need to learn enough control so you can check out how she's doing, and then use that as a guide to how much longer you need to last.

Familiarise yourself with these and in her eyes you'll definitely be onto a winner rather than being a bedroom sinner.

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