Question:
I'm getting married in two months and for the first time I'm starting to have some doubts. I know I love my fiancé, and I only want to be with him, but I think my cold feet feeling has to do with how to make the marriage successful. Everyone keeps telling me it takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage happy, and last. I never want to divorce, but I'm terrified that I'm not equipped to be married. Do you have any advice for me?

Answer:
My main piece of advice to you is to talk with your fiancé about how you're feeling. Be honest and open, right from the start, which is now, rather than after you walk down the aisle. Your life doesn't "begin" once you marry — it simply continues from your relationship now, and to expect otherwise is to court disaster.

Your anxiety about the responsibility of how to make your marriage a successful one shouldn't be shouldered on your own. Both of you should be leaning on and supporting each other. I recommend all couples talk through every conceivable issue before they get married. There are great guide books on the market with quizzes, couple worksheets and discussion points to lead you through understanding each other as much as you can before you marry. Do you know what each other's values and opinions are on every issue? Do you know how you will resolve conflict? Have you outlined your aims and goals over the years?

Also, I believe you should be aware of the common misconceptions about marriage. Psychologist Robin Smith, an Oprah favourite like Dr Phil, has outlined the top ten lies and truths about marriage. It might be helpful to really be aware of them, before you actually get married.

The top 10 Lies and the Top 10 Truths about marriage, by Dr Robin Smith, author of Lies at the Altar: The Truth about Great Marriages:

Lie: Marriage is an automatic ticket to self-esteem.
Truth: You have to be whole before you can be joined.

Lie: You have to go along to get along.
Truth: In a great marriage, you can ask for what you need without fear of reprisals.

Lie: If the package is beautifully wrapped, its contents will be fabulous.
Truth: The packaging doesn't tell you anything about what's inside.

Lie: The past is over.
Truth: The past is driving you to the chapel.

Lie: Anything is better than being alone.
Truth: Being alone and free is better than being together and controlled.

Lie: It's important to be right.
Truth: It's more important to relate.

Lie: You can learn to live with compromises that trouble your soul and make you suffer.
Truth: Suffering is not love.

Lie: "It's you and me against the world."
Truth: You can't have a great marriage if you live in a bunker.

Lie: If you believe in the same God, you'll share the same values.
Truth: Values are what you live, not what you believe.

Lie: Marriage magically changes people for the better.
Truth: The person at the altar will be the person at the breakfast table.

For more information and to find about Gabrielle's latest book, Spicy Sex please see Dr Gabrielle's website.