Question:
My partner and I have been together for 12 months, and in that time we spent close to seven months apart because he works away. We talk on the phone nearly every night but how do I keep the love alive? We have tried phone sex, although it is not something I'm totally comfortable with, so it can sometimes be awkward. Please help me keep my long-distance lover.

Answer:
Long-distance loving has its challenges but also its wonderful rewards. Since you've been apart for over half of your relationship you must have established some strategies for coping with being apart. You mention phone sex, but also say you're not comfortable with it. Perhaps this is because like many people who try phone sex, the sense of awkwardness can come from feeling self conscious. To describe what you want to be doing to your partner and using detailed language and create a sexy mood can sometimes feel more 'naked' than when you are physically nude with each other. This is because of the intense concentration that a phone line brings, which induces you each to hang on to every word. That intensity can bring about self consciousness. Describing in the language of love and sex what you do is in many ways more intimate than actually doing it.

For some, storytelling in the third person is much more comfortable than this direct kind of phone sex in which you describe what you are wearing and would be doing to each other. The fantasy element of describing a sexy scenario that doesn't necessarily involve either of you can create a mood of sexiness between you in which you might mutually masturbate while on the phone sharing this fantasy story but not overtly discuss it (although if you were using web cams and talking on a computer phone, you could see each other if you wished).

For those who are not comfortable with phone sex, storytelling or touching without directly talking about it are options that aren't quite so intense. Other options would be to write down a fantasy and read it, or simply read passages from erotic books to each other. Phone sex doesn't have to be about your own behaviour, it can simply be a way of expressing eroticism together, in any format. You might like to listen to music together even.

Whether your love is near or far, indulging the senses is important in any sexual and/or loving relationship. So you can send each other 'love packages' that are a feast for your senses. Send each other items of your clothing scented with your signature perfume or cologne. Send each other photos, from fun and flirtatious to saucy and sexy. You can make things for each other, including personalised love promises or sexual IOU's for the next time you are together. This will build anticipation and keep you focused on each other and being together. Mail each other notes about why you love being with the other, and all your partner's best qualities. This will remind you each why your relationship is worth it, despite the distance. And finally, ask each other what you need and like to make your long distance love last. You'll each have ideas about the kinds of things you want to receive from each other, and the kinds of things you want to hear. And because every relationship is unique, you're each other's best sources of inspiration to keep your love alive.

For more information please see Dr Gabrielle's website or visit her consultancy website Bananas and Melons.