Expert advice

Desiree Spierings: sexologist

Desiree is the Director of Sexual Health Australia and is a qualified and experienced Sex Therapist and Relationship Counsellor. Desiree answers female related sex questions for ninemsn Health. ASK ME A QUESTION QUESTION

Why don't I lubricate naturally?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010
"Remember, a woman's sexual energy is like water, and water takes a long time to boil."


I am 28 and single, but over the last couple of years the partners I've had have said they have trouble telling when I orgasm. I think this is because I don't get "wet" enough naturally, even with an orgasm. I know I can use a lubricant, but would prefer to be natural. What could be the cause of this? I don't drink, I'm a moderate smoker and have one child aged nine. I also get Depo-Provera shot every three months as a contraceptive.


Lubrication occurs when we are aroused, but the amount of lubrication does vary between woman. The role of lubrication is for your body to get ready to receive the penis so you won't have painful intercourse. It doesn't sound like you are suffering from painful sex, which tells me you probably have a quite healthy level of lubrication. If you feel you do not produce enough, make sure there you are aroused prior to intercourse by having a lot of foreplay.

Remember, a woman's sexual energy is like water, and water takes a long time to boil. A man's energy is like fire, they are ready to go in an instant. But we can use the man's fire to boil a woman's water. So take your time with foreplay, so you get to a greater level of arousal before intercourse. Additionally, you can always use a lubricant if it is too dry for the penis to enter and to have an enjoyable experience.

But it sounds to me you have a pleasurable sex life and there is no need to panic. It is important to note that all women are different in the way they respond to things sexually. Also in terms of an orgasm, some woman might have something we call female ejaculation, however not all woman have that and you certainly do not need it to have a good orgasm and an amazing experience.

If your partners are not sure about whether you have enjoyed the experience with them, try to express it more clearly in other ways. You could do this, for example, by either telling them clearly that you are having a good time, or by expressing it to them with greater bodily movements or sounds

For more information please visit the Sexual Health Australia website.

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