Question:

I have a question about sexual fantasies. I am a girl, 18 years old, and I was always sure that I'm straight. I have had several crushes on boys, also been seriously in love twice. Unfortunately, things didn't go so well and so I have never had a serious relationship (only some kisses with one guy and he also touched me intimately, it was pleasant).

But recently I started masturbating and noticed an odd thing: I am able to reach the climax only when I think about naked girls, or two girls having sex and stuff. This really shocked me. I just can't picture myself having a relationship with a woman in real life, but what about those fantasies then? I've searched the internet for the answers, but some sources said that this was normal, fantasies can vary and don't necessarily reflect the real life, and others said that this type of fantasies are exactly what lesbians fantasise about. This confused me even more.

Also to be honest, thinking about male genitals doesn't seem to turn me on somehow, I just don't find them to be "attractive". But then again, I haven't had a relationship or sex with a man yet. So, what is my sexual orientation then? And won't I be able to get an orgasm without thinking lesbian stuff even if I will be having sex with a man I love? Please help me, I am so confused.

Response:

First of all fantasies are just that, they are fantasies. It does not necessarily mean that this is what you are after in real life. When it comes to sexuality, research has indicated it is not just a question of are you gay or straight. We need to ask about people's fantasies, behaviours, sexual orientation, and to whom they are physically attracted to in order to categorise their sexuality.

It has been found that even when people have had sexual encounters with a same sex partner they do not always identify themselves as being homosexual. It is useful to look at Kinsey's scale when it comes to sexuality. He says that sexuality lies on a 7 point continuum, from exclusively heterosexual (score 0) to exclusively homosexual (score 6). A person in the middle of the scale (score 3) would be bisexual. An individual's sexuality can be fluid throughout someone's life.

Kinsey would use behaviour and fantasies in order to assign ratings to a person's sexuality. So in your case, you might be a 2 on his scale, you have fantasies about other females, but at this moment, you feel you do not want to act on your fantasies or be in a relationship with another woman.

For more information please visit the Sexual Health Australia website.