Question:

My boyfriend and I are looking to begin the sexual phase of our relationship. However, due to having what is seen as innocent foreplay done to me constantly as a child, I am struggling to allow myself to even be touched by him or even be seen naked. He knows about what has happened and understands the way that I feel about anything sexual. What would you recommend that I try and do to help me move on and have a sexual relationship with my partner?

Response:

I would recommend for you to seek some appropriate counselling. It is very common to feel uncomfortable in the bedroom when past abuse has taken place and you deserve to receive the appropriate help in order for you to have a pleasurable sex life for the rest of your life. Even though the abuse may not affect other areas of your life any longer, it is very common for it to still linger on in the bedroom. I like to look at someone's past as their shadow. It will always be with you and no amount of counselling can change your past. However, you should be able to lead your shadow wherever you want to go in the future, whereas in your case, the shadow is leading your life instead, and is interfering with the here and now. So counselling can assist helping you putting this shadow back in its place, so it does not interfere in the bedroom. In the mean time I would suggest for you to try to take it easy when it comes to foreplay and slowly discover what you would feel comfortable with at this moment. Counselling can assist you with working through the past, managing the flashbacks, and getting your sex life back on track afterwards.

For more information please visit the Sexual Health Australia website.