Expert advice

Desiree Spierings: sexologist

Desiree is the Director of Sexual Health Australia and is a qualified and experienced Sex Therapist and Relationship Counsellor. Desiree answers female related sex questions for ninemsn Health. ASK ME A QUESTION QUESTION

Having sex for the first time

Thursday, June 7, 2012
"Someone who is worth sharing your first time with is someone special who appreciates you for who you are."


I am almost 18 and have never had a boyfriend before and I am worried that once I go to university no one will want to date me because they will think I'm stuck up or frigid. I know this is strange but I am also scared to have sex because I'm afraid that it will hurt and that I will bleed a little bit when my hymen is broken and the boy will be put off. I need reassurance that the first time will not be really painful


The first time is different for everyone. It can be a bit uncomfortable, but doesn’t have to be. You can bleed a little bit, but it doesn’t always happen. But rest assured, eventually you will learn to enjoy it, and sex will be pleasurable.

Because the first time can be quite nerve wrecking and exciting at the same time, it is a good idea to have a partner you feel comfortable with. Someone who is supportive, will take their time, and wouldn’t pressure you into doing something you are not ready to.

Someone who is worth sharing your first time with is someone special who appreciates you for who you are.

It is also important to remember that although biologically or physically our body may be ready to have sex, it does not mean that emotionally and mentally we are ready for it. You need to realise that you only have one ‘first time’, and if you want to make that special, don’t just do it because you feel social pressures and don’t just give it away to anyone, but make sure you wait until you feel completely ready emotionally and you have found someone special and worthy to share this with.

For more information please visit the Sexual Health Australia website.

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