Question:

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly three years and If I'm not getting sex I want to masturbate and I find it really hard to orgasm without visuals such as porn. My girlfriend hates porn and hates me watching it as she describes it as cheating etc and has given me ultimatums throughout our relationship. I've resorted to doing it behind her back and erasing any evidence as it leads to massive fights and no sex. I really don't see the problem with it as to me it's a private want and she won't have any part to a discussion. My question is, is watching porn when you're in a relationship that bad?

Response:

Hi, I will focus on your question "Is watching porn when you're in a relationship that bad?"

It depends on what are the rules and dynamics of a relationship. In your case your girlfriend hates porn and hates you watching porn, where if you are not getting sex you need the visuals of porn to help with masturbation. The answer to your question is that porn is causing problems.

Often conflicts in a relationship around beliefs of what is the right sexuality and sexual behaviours are not addressed then tension can increase and reduce trust. Talk with your girlfriend about your situation and see if the rules can be changed. If not then it could be helpful to decide how important sex is in a relationship for you and can you continue in the current situation of mismatched sexualities. Continuing doing what you two are doing is creating an impasse.

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