Expert advice

Brett McCann: sexologist

Brett McCann specialises in male sexual difficulties and has over 20 years experience in human sexuality counselling. Brett is the CEO of Impotence Australia and also co-authored Too fast? Learn to last longer. in 2009. ASK ME A QUESTION QUESTION

Sexually frustrated

Tuesday, January 31, 2012
"When a relationship has changed so drastically the best advice I can give you is that it would be best to see a counsellor, have an independent person who will look after both of your interest and work with you to identify and resolve the issues."
Topics:
sex

Question:

My wife and I have been together for about five to six years. I have a very strong sex drive, and she doesn't, so I am feeling sexually frustrated quite often.

One area that specifically gets to be is that, I know that when she was with her previous partner, she used to be willing to do almost anything with him. I have heard of them doing in multiple locations that appeal to me, and things like anal, but with me she is not willing to do any of that, and when we finally do get it on, it feels like it is always in the missionary position.

I don't know if I am overreacting, but I have brought these things up with her in the past, and I have not been able to resolve them. It feels like she kind of just glosses over it. That, or if I mention her ex in any way, she gets angry and there goes my day.

I am at a loss as to what to do, and it's causing me to become more and more frustrated all the time.

Sex started off great, but after about year one, I still have the drive, but she seems reluctant, even though it is good for her whenever it happens. What can I do?

Response:

Things seem really tough for you. You said you tried talking about the difficulties you are experience with your partner and feel she doesn't take you seriously. It can be really confusing when one partner withdraws sexually from the other when everything was fine for the first year. From your email I can sense your pain and frustration. When a relationship has changed so drastically the best advice I can give you is that it would be best to see a counsellor, have an independent person who will look after both of your interest and work with you to identify and resolve the issues. Sometimes problems become like a cycle and it seems that there is no way that things can change. A counsellor can help break the relationship cycle and assist you in finding new and better ways to communicate and meet each other's needs.

For more information please visit the Impotence Australia website.


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