Still waiting for the right person? It could be love myths are getting in your way and making relationship bliss unattainable.
'The other half' myth
Expecting your partner to complete you is unhealthy. It can make you needy and gives your partner power and control over your emotional wellbeing. When your wholeness is dependent on someone else, you will look to them for reassurance — and love can be stifled by your need for validation.
Fact... Making your life complete is your responsibility, not your partner's. You can start by finding contentment with your own company. Focus on your interests and do the things that make you happy. Create diversity in your life by developing and maintaining interesting friendships and relationships.
'The soul mate' myth
If you're searching for a soul mate you could be single for a long time to come. Hollywood has helped create the soul mate illusion — a dream relationship where everything is perfect and you think the same, feel the same, and like all the same things as your partner. But this isn't a healthy type of relationship because it often grows out of your own unresolved insecurities. When your partner is exactly the same as you — you feel safe and comfortable. But when differences of opinion arise you feel threatened by them. You then blame the relationship, or perhaps your partner, and carry on looking for you soul mate rather than looking inside yourself for answers.
Fact... Try making yourself open to a relationship with someone from a different social or family background and who may have different abilities, attitudes and preferences to you. Intolerance to these differences may well be what is limiting your chances of finding love.
'The love-obsessed' myth
The love-obsessed become consumed with their relationship to such an extent that rational thinking disappears along with personal boundaries and sense of self. You lose yourself in the relationship and often drive love away.
Fact... Develop a strong sense of 'self'. Without a clear self-view you can easily take on the identity of your partner, along with their values, feelings and beliefs. Focus on developing your own life including your own values, and make sure you maintain those interests.
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Jennifer Garth is a practicing psychologist, author, family and relationships therapist. She regularly writes for the media on psychological and relationship issues and she is a consultant psychologist for corporations. For advice on family or relationship problems please call (02) 9922 2737 for an appointment.
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