A lingering look over coffee at work, a smile over the top of your cocktail in a club, a sideways glace in a shop — flirting permeates all areas of our lives and is a lot more than just a bit of frivolous fun.
The art of flirting is universal and an integral part of human interaction. According to anthropologists, flirting can be found in various forms in all societies the world over.
Innate as it may be, the fun of flirting doesn't always come naturally. Flirting is ruled by an intricate set of unwritten etiquette laws. If the laws are followed, flirting can end in a successful encounter, be it friendship, lust or love. But if the laws are overlooked, an embarrassing cocktail of blushing and bumbling ensues.
The art of flirting isn't reserved for the single members of the population, of course. Flirting is a game of interaction that may or may not mean anything beyond an exchange of glances. And it's certainly no new phenomenon. The first guide to flirting was written 2000 years ago by a Roman poet named Ovid.
The times may have changed but the rules of flirting remain a mystery for most. Get the basics down and you can reap the rewards and evade the pitfalls of flirting.
Eye contact
Your eyes are your most important flirting tool. Direct eye contact is a powerful act and a single look can mean more than a thousand words. But in terms of flirting — more is less. There's a big difference between a lingering look and a leer, so attempt to hold your target's gaze for no more than a minute. If your look is returned or the person in question glances away only to return to your line of vision, chances are they are interested. When smiles are exchanged, it's a good time to initiate conversation.
Posture
Body language speaks volumes in terms of flirting but can be more difficult to control and read than facial expressions. There are clear 'no' and 'go' signals to look out for, however, to avoid blushes. If your potential partner's body is positioned towards you, leaning slightly forward with uncrossed arms, these are signs of interest. Mirroring is another positive sign which involves your target adopting a similar position to yours.
On the other hand, don't miss the tell-tale negative signals! If the person you have your sights set on talks to you with their body facing away, it suggests their full attention isn't being held. Likewise, if they are thinking of moving on, feet pointing away from you is something to look out for.
Touch
Don't underestimate the intimacy of a fleeting touch. It can offer that important taste of physical contact at the right moment, but as with eye contact, it has to be very carefully measured. The ideal time to initiate touch is when sharing a joke. Try a light touch on the arm and if reciprocated, hold your next touch for slightly longer.
The line
Smarmy chat-up lines are rarely the best course of action. A study carried out by British psychologists in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that women rated chat-up lines differently depending on their personality — so more humorous approaches worked on tough-minded women while more 'nice guy' lines worked on shyer types.
Given that the UK's Social Issues Research Centre suggests first impressions are based 55 percent on appearance and body language, 38 percent on style of speaking and only seven percent on what it is you actually say, less importance should be placed on the opening line. Keep to simple and complimentary comments to open a conversation for the safest and most successful approach.
Listen
Once a conversation is up and running, remember to listen — and this doesn't mean letting the other person take over. Nod, smile and gesture at the right moments and show you are really paying attention by asking questions about what they are talking about when a natural pause occurs.
Laugh
Laughter over a shared joke draws you closer as well as reducing tension. If the subject of your flirting makes a humorous comment, laugh and quip in return. A simple joke is a great icebreaker — something as simple as "it's a beautiful day" during a thunder storm can be effective. When the tension is gone, a touch of teasing allows a playful exchange in a more personal context.
Future of flirting
Love online. With over 20 percent of the world's population online flirting has moved into cyberspace with the emergence of dating sites, social networking tools and instant messenger software. Love letters are becoming an antiquated notion as "I love you" is rapidly replaced by "I luv u".
YOUR SAY: What are your top flirting tips?
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