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Get hot under the covers

Kathy Lette
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Couple

It's cold outside, which means most of us want to stay hidden under the doona. While there, why not try something a little different with your man? Be brave, says Kathy Lette, for the rewards could be great.

Trying new things sexually is not my favourite pastime. For one thing, it creates terrible eye wrinkles caused by puckering up into a squint and shouting "You want me to do WHAT?"

But there comes a time in every relationship when sexual ennui sets in and sex becomes more dutiful than enthusiastic. You used to do something that involved a fair bit of nestling and stroking — you can't remember what exactly, but you do remember that you liked it. Nooky nostalgia is all you have now.

VIEW GALLERY: Why sex is good for your health

After an exhausting day at work I prefer the doggy position. The one where he begs and I just roll over and play dead.

The trouble in the heterosexual bedroom isn't women faking orgasms but men faking foreplay. A quick straw poll among my own female friends revealed that a year or two into a relationship, the sexual titillation can become so intense that you're tempted to flick on the telly to watch the darts final.

But the arctic weather means a lot more time under the doona. One must have a lot of sex to stave off hypothermia. It's also a great way to burn off calories. So why not try to spice things up a little? Orgasmically good sex is a surefire way to beat the winter blues, after all.

Keen to revitalise things, I logged on to a website called the School 0f Striptease and Female Empowerment. (Funny isn't it? How one woman's empowerment is another woman's sleazy degradation). But the very thought of gyrating around in a feather boa meant that I began suffering from a performance anxiety I hadn't felt since those hedonistic hours of enforced folk dancing in primary school.

Still, being creative in bed should not just mean knitting while watching the news. Ask most long term couples whether they like the lights on or off and most would sensibly answer, "On", so they can read. But then why not read something erotic to get you in the mood? It may come as a surprise to some blokes, but the karma sutra is not an Indian take away. I feel sure I speak for all women when I say that we don't like to be beaten — not even at Monopoly. But a little playful spanking could warm you up beautifully on a grey and gloomy winter's day and bring a healthy glow to your cheeks — all four of them.

And here I'll let you into a little secret: do you know what a woman really wants in bed? Breakfast. She's guaranteed to be so grateful that she'll want to show her appreciation in a horizontal capacity. Sex in a long term relationship... well, it's like when it slips your mind that you've put your windscreen wipers on intermittent. You've forgotten all about it and then — WHOOSH! Happy doona pursuits!


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